Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
