haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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