In the future we'll all be gay
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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