Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
