I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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