so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You pole danced in your parka.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
