Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
