I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
