I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
