The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
