Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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