I want to make a zoo with you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
