the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
