weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
