I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
