Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
