I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
As shirtless as possible
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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