just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize