I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
