that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
