well I can't set my house on fire every night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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