She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
