We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize