It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
