Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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