Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We smell like vodka and hangover
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
