My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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