You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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