He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
