i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Life is so much better after having sex.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
