Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
