So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
