when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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