i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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