Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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