they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
