i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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