when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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