I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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