and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
