I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my phone needs a breathalizer
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize