I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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