Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
