I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
