after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
