i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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