It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
