at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
