he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
