my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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