a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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