All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
