Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
