Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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