you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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