you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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