She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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