There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
