super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
