I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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