So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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