And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
