She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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