There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
