Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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