i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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