i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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