I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
