i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
