So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You are the jesus of drinking
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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