I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
