I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
