I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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