Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
