I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
