They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
