oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
