How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
