So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
