Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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