she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
