On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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