The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
